Email 19th March 1999

Subject: Penalty King!!

Dear Fishheads,
Just a quick one -
Tomorrow for the first time in my life I will pull on a jersey and walk onto the pitch in a packed Easter Road stadium. The keeper in the Half Time penalty shoot out will be none other than myself.
All in aid of charity of course but with a pre match meal (with drink) and also being a guest in the directors box (with drink) this means that I may prove slightly slow and finding it hard to stand still on the line and therefore not moving while the kick is taken!
They are going to play some "RWZ" before the match as well!
To make the day even more dangerous I'll be with Piers Hernu the editor of the Front magazine. Once journo on 'Loaded' and big Marillo fan since '82 - Loves Grendel and can recite entire lyric to The Web when pissed - Piers claim to fame was coming up to the '97 convention and getting so out of it he
1. left his tape recorder in the Tyneside and freaked out waking up in a local Police van that was taking us back to the farm from the pub. He thought we were nicked!
2. passed out waking up at 4pm and joining the rabble in the garden assaulted vodka bottles to the extent that he was so wasted he was left at Longniddry station and stood there for 4 hours waiting on a train - not realising there was a train strike that day!
The rest I will omit because he gave me a 4.5 out of 5 in the review section and not only quoted the Incubus lyric in the piece but ended with the quote "Absolutely Brilliant" in his article, but also because this is a family list!! :-)
The article never appeared in 'Loaded' BTW.

So there you are, a Saturday planned. Beware all you Freaklets out there in Stockbridge.
There's a Bear on the loose and heading your way!!

all the best
Love Onkel Fish

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