Re: Joke of the day
Tue Apr 24, 2012 7:40 pm
Mo put this up on facebook this morning.. Made me laugh..
A businessman sueing Ryan Air who misplaced his luggage , has lost his case.
A businessman sueing Ryan Air who misplaced his luggage , has lost his case.
Thanked: 1
Re: Joke of the day
Wed Apr 25, 2012 8:47 am
A plumber decides to divorce his wife, Florence, and comes down to breakfast to find his wife sitting at the table.
The plumber sits down and sez: " I'm sorry, but it's over, Flo.." [say it out loud...
]
The plumber sits down and sez: " I'm sorry, but it's over, Flo.." [say it out loud...
]
Thanked: 3
Re: Joke of the day
Fri Apr 27, 2012 7:46 am
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Thanked: 3
Re: Joke of the day
Fri Apr 27, 2012 12:21 pm
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Thanked: 2
Re: Joke of the day
Fri Apr 27, 2012 1:48 pm
docbob wrote:Mo put this up on facebook this morning.. Made me laugh..
A businessman sueing Ryan Air who misplaced his luggage , has lost his case.
That one has just received a few groans from my colleagues
Re: Joke of the day
Fri Apr 27, 2012 3:42 pm
If Linux were a beer, it would be shipped in open barrels so that anybody could pee in it before delivery
Thanked: 1
Re: Joke of the day
Fri Apr 27, 2012 7:04 pm
Pete Trewavas posted this on Facebook this morning.
"Doctor, I keep thinking i'm Bruce Hornsby. Can anything be done?"
"No, That's just the way it is"
"Doctor, I keep thinking i'm Bruce Hornsby. Can anything be done?"
"No, That's just the way it is"
Thanked: 2
Re: Joke of the day
Wed May 02, 2012 6:31 pm
If you had purchased £1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you would have £49.00 today
If you had purchased £1,000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you would have £33.00 today.
If you had purchased £1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you would have £0.00 today.
If you had purchased £1,000 of shares in Northern Rock three years ago, you would have £0.00 today.
But, if you had purchased £1,000 worth of beer one year ago at Tesco's, drank all the beer, then taken the aluminium cans to the scrap metal dealer, you would have received a £214.00.
Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle.
A recent study found that the average Briton walks about 900 miles a year.
Another study found that Britons drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year.
That means that, on average, Britons get about 41 miles to the gallon!
Makes you proud to be British.
If you had purchased £1,000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you would have £33.00 today.
If you had purchased £1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you would have £0.00 today.
If you had purchased £1,000 of shares in Northern Rock three years ago, you would have £0.00 today.
But, if you had purchased £1,000 worth of beer one year ago at Tesco's, drank all the beer, then taken the aluminium cans to the scrap metal dealer, you would have received a £214.00.
Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle.
A recent study found that the average Briton walks about 900 miles a year.
Another study found that Britons drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year.
That means that, on average, Britons get about 41 miles to the gallon!
Makes you proud to be British.
Thanked: 6
Re: Joke of the day
Sat May 05, 2012 9:46 pm
An Irishman goes to a job interview for a blacksmith.
The blacksmith asks him: "Did you ever shoe a horse?"
"No" he says "But I once told a donkey to fuck off!!!"
Apologies if i've posted this before but i couldn't be
arsed searching the thread.
The blacksmith asks him: "Did you ever shoe a horse?"
"No" he says "But I once told a donkey to fuck off!!!"
Apologies if i've posted this before but i couldn't be
arsed searching the thread.
Re: Joke of the day
Tue May 08, 2012 6:58 pm
Best friends graduated from medical school at the same time and decided that, in spite of two different specialties, they would open a practice together to share office space and personnel. Dr. Smith was the psychiatrist and Dr. Jones was the proctologist; they put up a sign reading: "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones: Hysterias and Posteriors". The town council was livid and insisted they change it.
So, the docs changed it to read: "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids". This was also not acceptable, so they again changed the sign. "Catatonics and High Colonics" - No go. Next, they tried "Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives" - thumbs down again. Then came "Minds and Behinds" - still no good. Another attempt resulted in "Lost Souls and Butt Holes" - unacceptable again! So they tried "Analysis and Anal Cysts" - not a chance. "Nuts and Butts" - no way. "Freaks and Cheeks" - still no good. "Loons and Moons" - forget it. Almost at their wit's end, the docs finally came up with: "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones - Specializing in Odds and Ends".
Everyone loved it.
So, the docs changed it to read: "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids". This was also not acceptable, so they again changed the sign. "Catatonics and High Colonics" - No go. Next, they tried "Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives" - thumbs down again. Then came "Minds and Behinds" - still no good. Another attempt resulted in "Lost Souls and Butt Holes" - unacceptable again! So they tried "Analysis and Anal Cysts" - not a chance. "Nuts and Butts" - no way. "Freaks and Cheeks" - still no good. "Loons and Moons" - forget it. Almost at their wit's end, the docs finally came up with: "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones - Specializing in Odds and Ends".
Everyone loved it.
Thanked: 2